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Living without Depression

 

As the bible, says ask and you shall be given, I have received all the blessings and guidance that I needed I thank God for all the lessons that I have learned with adventures and experiences. Living with depression was not easy and it never is easy, that is the truth from my experience. There were days I was just sad, afraid, confused and I didn't want to see or talk to anyone I didn't want anyone to come and visit me and I didn't go outside for weeks, sometimes I would just feel like everything and everyone is against me. I did my best to avoid any human contact or communication. I basically stopped living my life and the saddest was that I didn't have any self-love in me or see the meaning of loving my self, and the only answer was the death. Suicide is the best solution for most of the people living with depression. Between 2008 to 2013 I had planned and tried more than 10 suicide attempt in different ways and places. The first time I attempted suicide was 24 December 2008, I remember one time I jumped in front of the metro in Rotterdam and a man pushed me so hard to the other side of the rails and told me, your time is not yet you just need some help go and talk to someone, I was not happy with him at that moment, so I started to shout at him that he should mind his business and let me die. The man was polite and very helpful, he talked to me for more than four hours and told me to be patient with life and he told me to try to understand that death is not the answer. Looking at my self now am thankful he pushed me and took his time to talk to me, he saved me and I don't remember his name, so sad that the people who wanted to help me are the ones I wanted to forget and avoid. During that period I missed a lot in my daughters' life and all the changes she was going throw and the friends she was making, the school trips I missed because I didn't like the way I looked. The sleepover nights I didn't want to organize because I didn't want to talk to anyone or have people at my doorstep in the morning when I wake up, so sad to look back at these days. If only I had the time or knew how to explain to my daughter why I was behaving like that, and how sorry I am for the things I didn't do or did during that period, am sorry for not being the mother she wished she had. Am sorry for the pain she had to go throw and still had the courage and pride to hug me and tell me how much she loves me every day. My daughter is my eagle in every aspect of my life, am proud to be her mother and I hope one day I will have all the answers for her. Living with depression has made me understand the meaning of love and how to practice self-love. It was not easy at all, taking control of my life was the first step I took, most of my energy was from the long walks I took. I love walking and the feeling of freedom when am walking. To find peace and understanding within my self, I took Yoga also to help me relax and boost my meditation energy.

I lost a lot of kilograms than I had expected and before I knew it I had my self-confidence back and, doing more activities with my daughter every day. I now understand somethings but am almost there. The journey has just begun, and it is going to take long but with positive results. 

 

Here are my Top 10 Free Ways to start Loving your self

 

1: Take a walk at the beach. If you live near the sea

2: Take a hike. Nature is the best medication for any sickness

3: Yoga. Practice makes perfect, and with yoga, you learn more about your body every day

4: Run. start slow with 2km, running pumps oxygen into your brain

5: Clean your house. You get satisfied after cleaning your own privet space, and that is relaxing

6: Take a long shower or bath Take care of your self physically, and you will find peace mentally.

7: Sleep well. Make sure you sleep at least 8 hours a day, for positive energy

8: Invite friend and family. Have a bbq party or tea party with friend and family, its good for your body, spirit, and mind.

 (you don't have a friend like me make a party for your self )

9: Start writing. Write down what you don't like about your situation at that moment the way you feel, and things you wish

 to change.

10: Be thankful for what you have. We all tend to forget what we have, and instead, we just complain about what we don't have Never lose faith, find something you truly believe in and love doing and hold on to it. Don't force yourself, but be your self no matter how small the step is, any step is a step closer to your goal.

My last and the best is Stay positive always, Don't forget you will get out stronger, with an improved version of your self. everyone is strong you just need to be your self.