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Living with Depression

 

Depression is the silent killer in this world today, one out of five people are suffering from depression and am not surprised that the number is growing so first than anyone has ever imagined or expected. Am not a Doctor or a professor with a Ph.D., and I didn't study mental health either but I have had some ups and down with depression and anxiety in my life, am still struggling with depression at times but am also getting better everyday and learning more about my self too. My first experience with depression was in 2008 when my mother passed away, at that moment my understanding of depression was not clear and I was in denial. I did not want to talk about my depression or even try to understand what is depression at that time. For years I was living in denial, alcohol, and drugs became my solution for everything, yes I became an alcoholic and that is what people with depression do, they believe they just need a drink or find a dealer for the there drugs problem to stay calm. Most people with depression are always drinking or organizing a party where there will be more drinking and more drugs to keep the party going and always doing there best to keep everybody happy, but deep inside they are never satisfied or happy with there life. I thank God I had one child at that time, one day she asked me if I could go for a walk with her and her friends it was something for charity at school, it took me 5hours to walk 5km and to top it all I had embarrassed my child and her friends, I was so ashamed of my self that the next day I went to my doctor for help I knew I needed help and as soon as possible. My doctor suggested some medication and therapy. The therapy worked and from the medication, I gained more weight than I should and that made me even more depressed. I tried to figure out how and what I can do to help my self and become the mother I always wanted to be for my child, I knew it will take time, strength and courage and the good news for me is I was ready for any changes in my life. Like they say you only live ones better make it beautiful and worth living. I went on the internet to look for other ways to conquer my depression without medication. The internet is the best place to look if you are afraid to talk to your friends or family. And that is another disadvantage of living with depression you are always afraid to talk to anyone, insecurity, and lack of confidence is always hunting your day and night. I found a lot of information on the internet and very impressive too, I found what I needed and I realized I was not alone in this fight against depression, so if you are depressed and can`t or doesn't feel like talking to anyone just visit the internet for more information about living with depression and how to fight your depression. Just remember you are not the first person and you are never alone. I tried a lot of things and most of them were things I didn't like or too expensive or too much time and energy. I knew I had to come up with a plan but what? I found Inspiration from the Oprah Winfrey talk show, they were talking about depression and how finding your inner self and self-love, and finding peace within your self is the first medication against depression. And from that moment I knew my journey towards freedom will be successful, my fight against depression was on the right path. Finding peace with my self-was my first goal and that meant I had to tell my family and friends what was going on in my mind, I had to explain to them what is depression and what can depression do to a person. But just like I had thought and expected my family didn't want to believe me and they just chose to ignore my situation and pretend everything is as it should be, I lost all my friends. but I knew I had made the right choice for me to get better and be my self again. My plan was to stop using drugs, alcohol immediately and lose some weight first, and all that was not as easy as it sounds. I stopped my daily drugs and alcohol consumption, with the help of my doctor I took a weekly course on drug and alcohol addiction, what to do, were to go in case I need to talk to someone. A lot of people were involved, and in less than six weeks I noticed a lot of changes in my way of thinking and understanding, I felt more free and more confidence. Like Oprah Winfrey said, walk thirty minutes a day to stay healthy. Well I started to walk every evening after dinner the first week was not easy, after four weeks I had lost five kilos and I walked five kilometres per day, I was so proud of my self at that moment but my partner was so negative about my life changes, he was not supportive as a partner should be. At that point, I realized that I didn't need his approval to be happy but my self-confidence and achieving my life goals was the road to my happiness. Eventually, I left him and quit my job, I knew and felt that I had made the right desition for my future and for my children.